I love preparing food and serving it. I love people enjoying what I have made. I love looking at cook-books and watching programs, especially MasterChef. I even enjoy eating, too!
But one of the things which is very precious to me seems to be under threat today and I wonder whether it is wise of us to give it up so easily. I refer to eating together around a table with no other interruptions or distractions.
For me – and is it only me? – meals represent a sort of consummation of the day. They give the day its meaning because they signal the moment when we can pause, enjoy what is before us, give God thanks for his provision and talk. Yes, talk. Actually,at this moment I can hear some of you saying,’You must be joking!’
But how else can we properly relate to each other? Well, I know that it is important to do things together, that is true. Building something, playing a game, going somewhere, cooking, playing sport all these things help create relationships and keep them going.
But I think that there also needs to be a moment when we face each other across a table and chat. The eating and drinking is sufficient of an activity to give us a shared experience and a reason for being there. But the talk is the essence of the matter. And if we do not keep our relationships in good repair by talking, we will soon be isolated.
I know that this is hard. People are tired and want to relax by sinking into themselves via the TV and after all there’s no arguments or complaining if everyone’s watching the TV rather than having to talk to each other. Children are engrossed with electronic games which they can play endlessly on their own without relating to others. Some might think this is idealistic or even old fashioned but at least let’s think of the advantages of sharing food before we abandon it. I remember those meal times when I was glad it was over it seemed so chaotic. At one stage Peter and I had to have topics ready to discuss so the conversation wouldn’t deteriorate into one thing and another.
There is one other thing about this. No it’s the same thing but a bit sharper. One of the key areas of family life is change – the sort of attitude change and behavior change which comes from repentance and forgiveness. Sharing the same food at the same table at the same time in the same company requires fellowship, and fellowship requires forgiveness. A meal without love is a misery. It focuses our problems and will not let us simply put up with them. Of course eating together will not solve all problems, but it gives the problems a chance. Of course, this doen't happen at once but as this becomes part of your family life day after day, year after year.
That is why Christmas day is such a joy and an agony. I think most mums want to have all their children around them at Christmas, I know I do and that means at Christmas dinner. We think, with some reason that if only we could get everyone eating together, any tensions may be overcome and it will signal that the family into which we have poured so much of ourselves is still intact and functioning a thing of joy forever.
And sometimes it is like that. But the very hopes we invest in it are brought to nothing when there is disagreement and anger and unresolved issues to do with repentance and forgiveness. The meal may work to fix things. But often it only highlights them further, since the very symbol of reconciliation and fellowship is mocked by our unresolved divisions which no one is prepared to deal with.
But my Christmas problems are a bit different and I will share those with you another time!
